I am looking forward to our conversations this year, as we practice what it takes to be a parent, a caregiver and still make sure we take care of ourselves at the same time. Our conversations will range from ways to establish and maintain our health, our personal lives, to those possible parenting issues that come up from time to time. Becoming aware of those habits, those strengths we use to get what we do done. And still find ways to give ourselves time, space and peace.
I want to start off this year with what the New Year has come to mean. It’s the time when we all look at ourselves and find something we want to change. We make promises to ourselves that are called resolutions. I thought about this process and realized I rarely followed thru on these promises and promised myself I would not put myself thru it this time.
I came across the suggestion to pick a word which symbolizes an action I want to take and let it become my intention for the year. This seemed like a good idea. I want to share it with you.
By choosing this word, all I would have to do, would be to give it my full attention. Being persistent and acting on what it would take to make it happen. After thought and consideration I came to my word. It is… Rest.
I want you to come with me as I learn what this will mean for me. Discovering what I have to do to make this happen for me? And just has I have, pick a word for yourself so that we can travel this road together. As we share our obstacles, we will also support each with our own overcomes.
Now I had decided to REST, I had to define it for myself. I actually had an experience which showed me what it is for me. One day, I was caught in conflict over whether or not I would stop to rest even as my body was telling me, “I need to rest.” “But you got so much to do” my mind told me. As the reality of what was happening to me physically, slapped me on the side of my head, I heard myself tell me, “Girl, sit down and rest.” And I sat down. I rested.
In time as I thought it thru, I have come to see what Rest is for me…
“It’s When You Stop to Take the Time
to Do What’s Best for You at the Time.”
Therefore it is not just a physical happening. It can be something in any area of life, which is keeping me from acting in my best interests.
So in my way I made my list of what comes to my mind to put to rest. I will share it with you.
… I will no longer fix.
… I will no longer jump to solve without request.
… I will stop rescuing.
…those who can fix, solve, or rescue themselves.
These behaviors I will put to rest.
I have come to see these choices I make which are sometimes not in my best interest, are habits to be put to rest, as I learn to put my body and mind to rest too.
So I encourage you to try this way of setting a goal for the year. Pick a word which represent the action you want to achieve this year. Once chosen simply do it each time you have a chance to. Keep in mind change takes time and we will have those times of live thru.
Till next time
Thoughts to use on our journey to strengthen our resilience.
First: YOU DO YOU!!! Or is it…” I will do me.”
Become comfortable with doing what you think is best for you.
Every day our life changes. Changes happen because of the choices we make, good and bad. Change happens, of which we have no control. Those are the changes that can sometime leave us feeling hopeless. But we cannot give up on hope.
Hope is like a tree. The tree will bend but it never falls. It holds on to its roots and stands firm against the storm. Like a tree our hope lies in the roots of hope, the foundation of faith within ourselves and in our fellow man we have. In this storm of uncertainty, let’s attach ourselves, like the tree, to these roots and hold on. Bending, swaying, losing a limb or two, but never breaking never failing. Hope keeps us whole, keeps us from breaking under the pressure of these times.
So, when I find myself saying to myself…”I do not know how I will survive with so much stress in my life.” When searching for an answer to take away the hopelessness, I become strong when I say to myself…” I will maintain hope. I won’t lose it. I will not give into pain, anger or fear. I will hold onto it. Hope helps me when nothing is left. With hope I can survive also strive. It frees me. Hope is the word which saves me, keeps my journey in life anew.
Hope is a word that speaks to my belief in me and in my fellow man. Hope gives me the inner strength to carry on! So, I will not leave hope behind no matter where I find myself. I will keep hope alive for myself for that is the only way for me to live.” Lois.
We find ourselves living thru some strange times. Stress, from our day to day lives and feeling traumatized from fear of what will come next and how it will affect our lives and ability to care for our families. I felt, we were in need of an uplifting message. I found this Christmas thought, which gave me hope, and decided to share it with you. See it on the back side of the newsletter.
Don’t forget to talk with the children. Ask questions to see what their understanding of these events are. Encourage them speak to about their fears, what are they thinking, and what they think this change will mean to them. Help them create ways to manage these feelings. Tell them stories of how our elders, their ancestors made it thru. Create an open and accepting conversation, letting them know, when they come to you, you will listen to hear them. It is important to help them understand what’s going on, in order for them to find hope in their future.
EVERY TIME A HAND REACHES OUT
TO HELP ANOTHER…
THAT IS CHRISTMAS
EVERY TIME SOMEONE
PUTS ANGER ASIDE
AND STRIVES FOR UNDERSTANDING
THAT IS CHRISTMAS
EVERY TIME PEOPLE
FORGET THEIR DIFFERENCES
AND REALIZE THEIR LOVE
FOR EACH OTHER
THAT IS CHRISTMAS
MAY THIS CHRISMAS BRING US
CLOSER TO THE SPIRIT
OF HUMAN UNDERSTANDING
CLOSER TO THE BLESSING OF PEACE.
We want you to know we recognize you and your efforts.
How much we appreciate you for making them.
And to feel we here to support you, as you make them…Lois
To begin our new year of creating a Wellness program we are going to pay attention to our strengths. strength we all have within us. If we didn’t we could not be doing what we do…raising children for parents who are unable to parent at this time. This commitment takes what we call being strong, which by another name, is called Resilience.
Resilience is Our Strength We Use to Overcome
- Cope well with high levels of ongoing disruptive change
See it in you. Accept its presence within yourself as you give witness to its results. Become aware of how you use it to get over and to get by.
Be grateful for the times when those around you, who watch you do what you do, remind you by saying to you, “You are strong.”
Resilience then is just you being stronger than the situations, by not letting those day to day happenings overwhelm, take over your state of mind, causing you to neglect the what there
is for you to do to keep you and yours going. Its when you just keep on keeping on regardless.
We are continuing our conversation about creating our own self-peace. We will need the tools and techniques to maintain our self-peace once we have connected to it. The first tool I suggested was the creation of an organized mind and its importance in keeping us aware of our world and our efforts to keep it together. Those efforts make to provide ourselves with some ease as we live day to day. How have you done? Have you come up with your own definition of what is self-peace for you? Have comments or suggestions, please share.
This next the tool I want to suggest is…paying attention to our “self-talk.” Self-talk is about what we say to ourselves about ourselves. Self-talk is powerful because we use it as a window by which to hear and see what we are saying to ourselves, as we react to what happens to us day to day.
There is a technique I call “Just Noticing.” It’s a method we can use to find out just how we are talking about ourselves. It’s paying attention to what is happening to us and anyone else involved because of what we are saying or have said. It’s listening to what is being said to us, by us and about us. It’s being aware of what is done by you and to you and “the” what you do and are doing about it.”
It’s catching yourself “do what you do” “act like you act” “say what you say” in response to what you are going through and with who at the time. And, then taking the time to listen to hear what you are saying to yourself and saying to others about it as we choose to respond. Noticing does not mean “you have to make changes”. It simply means becoming aware of your words as you speak and what they mean in order to know what needs changing and if you want to change it. Keep in mind to change is a choice.
I want to challenge you to listen to yourself during the month of January. Listen to hear, for how you talk to yourself and about yourself. Listen for the words you use. Pay attention, also to your tone of voice as you speak. And if you would, share your experience with us so that we may all grow from our shared experiences.
I want to thank all of you who were able to attend our "Family Resource Day" on last Saturday. We had a marvelous time exchanging resources and stories. While in conversation sharing these stories we realized the need and the importance of the support you can give to each other.
And, for those of you who were unable to attend, I want say we missed you, but want you to continue to remember, we are here to support you. And, when you cannot attend the events. Use our website, ikinship.org to keep in touch with what is going on, to seek assistance and to give feedback to us as a way to help us improve.
I particularly would like us to begin building a conversation via “Caregiver Speaks” the caregiver’s part of the ikinship.org website. It is there as an additional way of support for you. Where we can share ideas, ask for support in areas we are not sure about, and bring up topics you need to know more about…for example parenting skills. I know it’s been slow in its development, but it is well on its way now. I will be looking forward to our chats.
I, do wish to encourage you to attend our events. As a caregiver I can remember the feeling of "it’s one more thing to do and I just don't have it in me to get myself there." Sometimes it seems easier to sit home and feeling to just deal with it alone. Letting opportunities to support ourselves pass by. But, doing this does nothing but cause us to become more and more isolated, having little or no adult conversation or acknowledgement. Can leave you feeling all alone and unsupported.
I want to share with you, this feeling did not leave me until I started attending the support group, where I was able to share my "everyday" with others who were going through the same "everyday". The burden seemed to lighten once I walked out of my first "Grandparents Who Care," support group. When I left I knew I was not alone. Someone had understood my pain and encouraged me to “keep keeping on”. That was in 1989 and maybe the kind of support group needed for Kinship Caregivers as we are called today, has changed, but the need for it hasn't.
Again, I encourage you to come out and meet your fellow Kinship Caregivers, living in your community build a support system for yourselves. Above all keep in mind these events are for you. They are reminders of how important it is to take care of yourself and they are, also there to help you strengthen your ability to be the best parent you can be as you manage your family through these difficult times.
The one question we did discuss and where would like to include your input...
What services would be most beneficial to you and your children? Please let us know so we can be even more supportive of you in the way you need.
Till next time.
Hello Kinship Caregivers! This week I have a message about trying to keep everything as peaceful for ourselves as we can. Yes, no matter what is going on around us we can try and keep ourselves peaceful. As a caregiver I had to remember this lesson as I dealt with schools, jobs, courts, and other things. Here are some things that I do: 1) Appreciate myself every morning. 2) Make a daily to do list 3) Say no to things that will over extend me or to things that someone else can or should be responsible for 4) Do something healthy everyday 5) Tell my grandchildren that they are beautiful and I love them 5) Call a friend 6) Give my grandchildren chores to do.
If you have some things that you do feel free to give me a call or send me an email and I will put them up.
Have a blessed day, Lois.
Welcome to this space for relative caregivers. Please say hello and tell us something about yourself. Where do you live? How many kin children are you caring for and anything else you'd like to share?
Welcome to Kinship Wellness Forum. This month let's talk about how an organized mind leads to peace of mind. An organized mind is important to caregivers because it puts you in touch with everything that's going on in your life. It helps you recognize that you are the center of everything that's happening in your world. It helps you recognize where you should put your energy and not focus on those things you cannot control.
Peace of mind is the absence of mental stress and anxiety, a state of mental and emotional calmness with no worries, fears or stress. The mind is quiet and you can experience sense of happiness and freedom. The question is how to bring more peace of mind in our lives and how to experience it in times of difficulties.
Peace of mind is found as the self-satisfaction you find in what you do and how you live your life to include you. We all have our ways of achieving peace of mind. Share yours with us. Please comment below and let me know how you achieve peace mind for yourself and if you have any advice or words of wisdom of all of us.
My name is Lois Kincy and as an experienced relative caregiver I facilitate groups, circles and trainings for other relative caregivers. I've been down that road already, and though it is a joyous road, sometimes us travelers need support from each other.