Let Me Share The Following Ways I Been Using
Had thought by now we would be out and about learning to live our lives in this new way. But still be remain in our world and that of our children still centered at home. With us the caregivers being given the responsibility to keep it together for our family. We’ve had to become teachers, recreation directors, and technical experts.
A demand without inquiring, “can you do this.” Being the caretakers, we are, we take it on…we follow thru. Learning thru zoom. Manipulating our days to fit these new obligations. Finding faith in our determination to be there for our children. Succeeding doing our best, not to become overwhelm by its expectations. But then I must admit at times it can look or feel as though we are been successful, but I become uplifted by the fact I am up and at it, regardless.
The is an article I wrote in April, at the beginning of the shutdown. I can see it is still a conversation to be had. The first is about what I had to do for myself to be at peace with these new expectations. The second is the suggestions as to how to handle be at home with your children. In each I learned to be aware of expectations and my willingness and ability to fulfill. Aware of those by the system, my family, my children, and most importantly, myself.
FOR ME PERSONALLY,
I Discovered I Had Learn To Be Comfortable With Being At Home.
Practice: I can do only what I can do. No matter how much there is. No matter who it is for. No matter what’s there is to do. “Resist its beck and call” and have learned to not feel guilty if I refuse. Believe, trust all will take care of itself till and if you can get to it or to them. Avoid thinking I have to get it “all” done, without taking into consideration what you are going thru personally. This will wear you out. This is what I have call, the stress I personally cause to me. To be real, take what used to be what we did normally, even then it wasn’t always possible to always get it all done. I can’t expect myself to do that now, especially when we add to it, the new demands being made of us today. I had to remind myself every day. It’s only been SIX MONTHS. In that time my whole life has come to feel out of control. I work hard not to fret over what it was and to concentrate on what it is now.
Stop and take notice of your breath. Do you hold your breath? Or can you breathing thru any news you get reminders of the changes being made and the loss you are experiencing. I took time to sit and get in touch with my breath, its connection has brought ease to the heaviness I was and am feeling. I kept in mind as I exhale, I am letting go the worry and inhaling the belief, it will be okay. And, for the moment I believe and relax. I am learning to rest in it as much as I can and let it be. Keep in mind the possibility of the different kinds of stress or its resulting trauma, you may be feeling. Noticing gives you the possibility of managing it so it does not take you on its trip, unconsciously.
I Refused to be bored
Believe, I can be bored only if I let myself be. Find something you enjoy to fill your time. It may be difficult; we are not used to entertaining ourselves totally at home. Be creative. Be persistent. What is there at home to do you enjoy doing? What is something that’s gone undone, which can be done, want to or not? Become that child within again remember its imagination. Hobbies…have any? Take on one. Find or discover a self-expression which will put your mind in a place of peace. Be sure to include a time for pleasure during the day. For you or your family.
Take time to sit quietly to gather your thoughts. Yes, do it no matter what’s calling you to do. This will support your efforts to manage your day. Time to clear your thoughts and see what’s to do right in front of you. I am also, learning what REST is for me and its importance in how i manage my day. We must take time for ourselves.
A time you can tell it, the beck and call, “I will get to you once I have RESTED.” And be okay with it till you do. Movement/exercise is essential. Even if it’s just to walk around the house from room to room or up and down the stairs for a certain amount of time. Play your favorite music and dance, Learn something new, do something you’ve never done, read about something you don’t know anything about. Stretching releases, the energy we call stress you may be holding in your body. Make yourself important too, don’t stop taking care of yourself.
Answer. What do I do to pamper myself? …Do it!
CHILDREN AT HOME 24/7… MANAGING YOURSELF
SO, YOU CAN MANAGE THEM
Keep your mind on not fulfilling unrealistic expectations.
Answering to Challenge of Child at Home All Day
I practice, I can do only what I can do. No matter how much there is needing to get done. No matter who it is for. No matter if I gave my word. No matter the consequences for me or others. Let it go. And I make peace with it as it is let go. Don’t expect perfection, just effort. When your mind set does not include this intention it becomes, the stress, “I personally cause myself.” It happens with each choice made to do something without the stop to think, “if I have the realistic ability to accomplish it,” before committing. And then, when I don’t, thinking I should have, I go thru its resulting stressful, emotional conflicts. We know as guilt, regret and blame. Is this something you experience, also? During these times as you chose how to cope with it, it’s important to maintain consideration of what you, yourself are going thru personally. Ask yourself? How stressed am I now? What do I am to do now and what must I do to get it done? How much physical energy and mental stability do I have left to give?
This you should know, because it represents a coping skill. Cause to know this is something you, know it, You are better able to manage your choices during your day to day. Another benefit, I gained with this practice, I am becoming more accepting of myself, if I don’t. You are being mother, wife, worker, teacher and so on. Working petty much from your home. Remember you are working to get it done along with your limitations at the time. In these times of uncertainty, keeping our minds on our own personal struggle… as we do what it is to do in that minute… Will lessen the stress in the moment. Just think of what you normally had done. Are you still thinking, feeling you need to get it done, too? Now as you do your best to still get that done today. What of the new demands being made for us and of us, by this shut down? Are you aware of the adaptations you are making today, doing differently from how you used to do?
I am constantly aware of the what I call, “the count on…” In other words, the what I cannot count on anymore or how it is changed.
Think of the difference in the decisions you made in January and the choices you have today. Think of the decisions being made of us without our input. If trauma is an event with life changing consequences, we are traumatized. And, stress is a reaction to trauma, we are stress on levels unknown to us before.
It is important last words… Be sure to be aware expectations you have of yourself. Keep in mind your limitations at the time, so to know what. Stop to ask yourself if it is possible to get it all done. Decide with your best interests in mind, too.
Above All Don’t Get So Stressed, That Peace Is Hard To Find For Yourself.
Connect with your children
Hug them every day cause as you hug them, you also give them a chance to hug you. Helps them to feel safe. For it says to them, It’s go'n be alright, I am here.” Even when you may doubt it yourself.
Give them words and visions of hope and encouragement to ease their fears. Helping them to speak about what they are afraid of, will help you get in touch with yours, too. And at the same time will open your solution mind, finding ways to help them deal with theirs.
Think of them as, being just as stressed as you are. They have will have questions. Be sure to be ready to answer their questions no matter how difficult or seemly out of place. Do your best to be opened to them. They are wondering, trying to figure out too. They cannot do it by themselves.
Keep in mind the limited understanding of what going on and its consequences for them, they may have. Above all, they are frightened. Just as you their minds are asking, “what’s gon happen to me.”
They too, are thinking of” how it’s supposed to be…how it’s supposed to happen. Their belief in their security changes every day as yours does. They are trying to understand and adjust just like you. Cause just like you, their routines have changed. What they used to do, they can no longer do, just like you. Do your best not to be impatient with them, they will need time to adjust to this change along with you.
Ask self, in the moment if you can… feeling to explode, is it my personal overwhelmness or the frustration, I am feeling with the moment. Knowing this can prevent stress from. Be sure to include them as the understanding of the adjustments, the family has to make during the shut-down. Especially, those you might have to continue, those the family will have to make after the shut-down is over. And as you talk to them, be as specific as you can about what will be expected of them because of it and why.
This will add to their sense of security. Keep in mind understanding followed by practice, will be difficult for them because of what they don’t know. And yet have to learn…Be aware of possible conflict if you expect more of them than they can do.
Most importantly be patient they are children and just as you, they have their own difficultly understanding and reacting to this time of crisis. Watch out for unrealistic expectations of yourself, of yours for others, of the children, and those coming from the outside world.
Home Schooling Ease
Don’t let their behavior get the best of you. Of course, it may, but if you can take time to breathe and remember this is only their increased stress acting out.
Learn to tell if it Is different than before the shutdown? If so, it may be a sign of additional stress.
Awareness of this will aid you to be better able to react in a way which will produce acceptance and cooperation by them.
It’s a good idea to do your best to maintain the same routine as if they were going to school. Meaning they are at school at home and the time will be spent as such.
Set it up that way. Be sure to include them in the plans as you and they create this school at home routine.
How and when they will complete their assignments. Deadlines. Rewards.
How you will participate? What will you participate in? What they will be responsible for themselves.Don’t fuss or beg. Set consequences.
What will happen if they complete their studies, giving attention to the times they are cooperative and follow the plan.
Using the, “You will be able to…if you…” “I want you to be able to look at TV or play games, but you must finish your assignments for the day.”
This puts it on them, it becomes their responsibility. It will be your responsibility to hold yourself and them to the agreement.
Talk to them about the changes as they happen, as much as you feel they will understand without increasing their stress. Let your conversation be according to their age and understanding.
Be sure to ask what they know or what they would like to know, so as not to overwhelm them with information they don’t need to know.
This will prepare you to react in a way which will produce acceptance by them.
Include in the routine breaks which allow them to do something fun. So, include those activities as you and they plan.
Above all this is an opportunity for family time. Even during this challenge to yourself and family, it will be important to pay attention to ways your family members come together to maintain harmony.
This will help rebuild the family foundation as you and your family move into our new reality.
My Last Thought…
What our lifestyle will be in the coming time, is extremely uncertain. We struggle to manage these unbelieve-able challenges to our daily life. This is a stressful and traumatic time with changes calling for sacrifice. Sometimes it feels to me, I can’t it get a hand on one thing when up pops another. Little time, to catch my breath.
This shut down is the trauma, shared by all. As in all things our response to it, will decide the level of stress it will cause us. Meaning, maintaining some level of peace will be difficult, in this topsy-turvy world as we watch all we know change. In the coping with it, we may find ourselves feeling and acting from panic. We worry, questioning its loss and become fearful of how we can live without it. Looking ahead we search for signs of what the world is becoming and what of our lives, we will get back again? Attempting to prepare ourselves for what it might be.
I found the best way to myself prepare, will be my answer to … What are ways I cope? I must know for myself, just what am I do to get me to the next day? This way I acknowledge my strength. Determination, I use to get up each day and face its challenges. Makes me think of those valleys, those rivers we cross not to mention those mountains we must climb to reach the other side. And as we arrive let’s keep in mind, the struggle also included as much joy as it did pain. So, as we “keep on, keeping on” together let’s not forget to see the joy. Finding the pleasure in each thing we get done, as we make it thru each day.
Want to share something, I read this out loud to myself every day. I do this to make its message real for me. I repeat it to myself during the day. I give thanks, because it is becoming more and more my first thought. It has become one of my coping skills. What I do…My ability to keep on, keeping on. What I use… to make a way. Self-Care is my deliberate practice of knowing my needs and desires.Taking responsibility to achieve them and then live my life. In a way that leaves me feeling blessed by them. Lois.
Need some supportive conversation. I invite you to join our “Wellness on Zoom” support group. We come together every other Friday, from 10:30-12:30. If you are interested email: firstname.lastname@example.org or call me at 415-317-6709. I will share the link with you. So, join us, Bring your cup of coffee or tea. Let’s chat.