Just what is stress anyway????

• Gain understanding of what causes you stress and how it affects you personally.
• Ask and answer: What is keeping me from doing what will bring ease to my stress?
• Use what you learn to manage your stress by answering: what can I or am I willing to do about it?

How to cope with it…tools to use:

• Breathe to relax and say as you breathe…”I breathe in…I smile. I breathe out I release.”
• Sit. Allow yourself time just to sit without thinking of what there is to do or going undone
• Sleep…a deep restorative sleep
• Rest at the end of the day allows you to calm down and get perspective on stressful issues. Sleep will prepare you for the next day…emotionally balanced and full of energy.
• Ask and answer: am I eating in response to my stress?
• Laugh for the joy of it. Cry. Don’t hold back your need for tearful release
• Watch your pace are you moving to your own personal rhythm
• Communication. Notice how you to others and how you allow others to talk back to you. Learn to say YES or NO. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. What kinds of things are you telling yourself?
• Grace. Notice the lack of drama that comes as you let others do for themselves. Gratefulness: Be grateful. Don’t take yourself for granted and allow others to take you for granted either.
• Relax. Don’t take it or make it so serious. See both sides of it.

There are check in questions we use to start our caregiver meetings and the question this month was:
 
“Besides spanking, what are some of the ways you discipline your kinship children?”
 
We, facilitators asked ourselves, if a new caregiver asked this question of us, how would, we answer. We decided it was important to start with a foundation which outlined family rules and household expectations. These are our ideas answers.
 
1.Explain your house rules on day one, along with their consequences. Make sure they are simple and directed toward the infraction. Allow them to ask questions and may be suggest changes which will accommodate them, also.
2.Be consistent about the rules and consequences. Refuse to give into face to face opposition. Remain the parent doing your job…preparing them to be responsible for choices they make and for the resulting consequences.
3.Come to know each child as an individual. This will determine the expectations you will have of the child and those you have for yourself.
4.Accept you may need to update parenting skills. Ways to parent a traumatized child. Ways to parent as the traumatized person you are too.
5.Put into practice ways to include the child in the household decision making process. Maybe to include them in the what, it takes to maintain their home and their responsibility in it.
 
We would say to any new kinship parent, put in place an expectation of behavior and of cooperation in the beginning, they will help you manage any future stress, which comes with parenting a kinship child.

​My Hello to you the Kinship Caregiver from Caregiver Speaks... 
In the last month I have been given several opportunities to talk about what Kinship is. So, I thought I would write down my thoughts to share. 
Kinship is…  
Taking in and personally caring for a family member or friend’s child.  
Making them a part of your personal family. Giving them the same love and attention you would give your own. 
Making a commitment to what feels like and which sometimes becomes, a life-long responsibility for their well-being. 
Kinship is another word for what began as the support group, “Grandparents Who Care”. A support group for grandmothers who stepped up to be there for their grandchildren. The name has since changed to Relative Caregiver, which now includes all relatives, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and sometimes just friends of the family. 
What does it mean to be a Relative Caregiver?  
It means I stepped up, when my heart heard the voice of the child. 
I went took them in my arms, into my heart and brought them home with me. 
It means… 
It comes as a willing sacrifice. 
I am altering my life to include this child. 
I am accepting these new responsibilities which comes with caring for this child. 
I put aside myself, again to raise a child. 
I remember my moment.  
Both parents unable to parent. I sat with the children of my son along with the ones he had accepted to be a father too. That night I promised them, ‘I would take care of you and that everything going to be alright.” It was a scary moment because, in reality, I did not know how, but I knew somehow I would. My mind was alive with ideas of what I could do to make that promise come true, along with my willingness to do them.  
To say you will, your intentions do not always match, with what you must handle in order to keep promise made. Like they say "Life gets in the way." Finances change. Your health comes to be a factor. Support is not always there. Children come to you angry and resentful. Somehow seemingly to blame you for the failure of the parents. With them, slow to and sometimes, not able to recognize the difference, it is hard to take at times. We can't always find a solution that will ease the pain they act out and that we feel ourselves. And then there may come a time, we will sometimes throw up our hands and want to give up. Those times do pass and regardless, we learn love and faith can conquer despair and frustration. So as Kinship parents, despite the changes and the emotional obstacles, we keep on keeping on. 
 
This is then is what Kinship is to me: a love that keeps on keeping on.  
 
It’s called Resilience.   

Kinship is... 

Resilience …Is the strength of spirit to recover from adversity.
When we experience disappointment, loss, or tragedy, we find the hope and courage to carry on. Humor lightens the load when it seems too heavy. We overcome obstacles by tapping into our deep well of faith and endurance. At times of loss, we come together for comfort. We grieve and then move on. We create new memories. We discern the learning that can come from hardship. We don’t cower in the face of challenge. We engage fully in the dance of life.

Be Blessed. Stay Strong. Say to yourself...
"I am doing the best I can. I cannot be all things to all people all the time.
Be grateful give yourself recognition for each time you...pick yourself up and keep doing."
 
Lois.

Hello everyone.
 
I am looking forward to our conversations this year, as we practice what it takes to be a parent, a caregiver and still make sure we take care of ourselves at the same time. Our conversations will range from ways to establish and maintain our health, our personal lives, to those possible parenting issues that come up from time to time. Becoming aware of those habits, those strengths we use to get what we do done. And still find ways to give ourselves time, space and peace.
 
I want to start off this year with what the New Year has come to mean. It’s the time when we all look at ourselves and find something we want to change. We make promises to ourselves that are called resolutions. I thought about this process and realized I rarely followed thru on these promises and promised myself I would not put myself thru it this time.
 
I came across the suggestion to pick a word which symbolizes an action I want to take and let it become my intention for the year. This seemed like a good idea. I want to share it with you.
By choosing this word, all I would have to do, would be to give it my full attention.  Being persistent and acting on what it would take to make it happen. After thought and consideration I came to my word. It is… Rest.
 
I want you to come with me as I learn what this will mean for me. Discovering what I have to do to make this happen for me? And just has I have, pick a word for yourself so that we can travel this road together. As we share our obstacles, we will also support each with our own overcomes. 
 
Now I had decided to REST, I had to define it for myself. I actually had an experience which showed me what it is for me. One day, I was caught in conflict over whether or not I would stop to rest even as my body was telling me, “I need to rest.” “But you got so much to do” my mind told me. As the reality of what was happening to me physically, slapped me on the side of my head, I heard myself tell me, “Girl, sit down and rest.” And I sat down. I rested.
 
In time as I thought it thru, I have come to see what Rest is for me…
“It’s When You Stop to Take the Time
to Do What’s Best for You at the Time.”
 
Therefore it is not just a physical happening. It can be something in any area of life, which is keeping me from acting in my best interests.
 
So in my way I made my list of what comes to my mind to put to rest. I will share it with you.
… I will no longer fix.
… I will no longer jump to solve without request.
… I will stop rescuing.
…those who can fix, solve, or rescue themselves.
These behaviors I will put to rest.
 
 I have come to see these choices I make which are sometimes not in my best interest, are habits to be put to rest, as I learn to put my body and mind to rest too.
 
So I encourage you to try this way of setting a goal for the year. Pick a word which represent the action you want to achieve this year. Once chosen simply do it each time you have a chance to. Keep in mind change takes time and we will have those times of live thru.
Till next time
Lois.
 
Thoughts to use on our journey to strengthen our resilience.
 
First:   YOU DO YOU!!!  Or is it…” I will do me.”
Become comfortable with doing what you think is best for you.
​

Every day our life changes. Changes happen because of the choices we make, good and bad. Change happens, of which we have no control. Those are the changes that can sometime leave us feeling hopeless. But we cannot give up on hope.
Hope is like a tree. The tree will bend but it never falls. It holds on to its roots and stands firm against the storm. Like a tree our hope lies in the roots of hope, the foundation of faith within ourselves and in our fellow man we have. In this storm of uncertainty, let’s attach ourselves, like the tree, to these roots and hold on. Bending, swaying, losing a limb or two, but never breaking never failing. Hope keeps us whole, keeps us from breaking under the pressure of these times.
So, when I find myself saying to myself…”I do not know how I will survive with so much stress in my life.” When searching for an answer to take away the hopelessness, I become strong when I say to myself…” I will maintain hope. I won’t lose it.  I will not give into pain, anger or fear. I will hold onto it. Hope helps me when nothing is left. With hope I can survive also strive. It frees me. Hope is the word which saves me, keeps my journey in life anew.
Hope is a word that speaks to my belief in me and in my fellow man. Hope gives me the inner strength to carry on! So, I will not leave hope behind no matter where I find myself. I will keep hope alive for myself for that is the only way for me to live.”    Lois.
               

We find ourselves living thru some strange times. Stress, from our day to day lives and feeling traumatized from fear of what will come next and how it will affect our lives and ability to care for our families.  I felt, we were in need of an uplifting message. I found this Christmas thought, which gave me hope, and decided to share it with you.  See it on the back side of the newsletter.
 
Don’t forget to talk with the children. Ask questions to see what their understanding of these events are. Encourage them speak to about their fears, what are they thinking, and what they think this change will mean to them. Help them create ways to manage these feelings. Tell them stories of how our elders, their ancestors made it thru.  Create an open and accepting conversation, letting them know, when they come to you, you will listen to hear them.  It is important to help them understand what’s going on, in order for them to find hope in their future.
 
                                    CHRISTMAS

 
EVERY TIME A HAND REACHES OUT
TO HELP ANOTHER…
THAT IS CHRISTMAS
 
EVERY TIME SOMEONE
PUTS ANGER ASIDE
AND STRIVES FOR UNDERSTANDING
THAT IS CHRISTMAS
 
EVERY TIME PEOPLE
FORGET THEIR DIFFERENCES
AND REALIZE THEIR LOVE
FOR EACH OTHER
THAT IS CHRISTMAS
 
MAY THIS CHRISMAS BRING US
CLOSER TO THE SPIRIT
OF HUMAN UNDERSTANDING
CLOSER TO THE BLESSING OF PEACE.
-Anon
 

We want you to know we recognize you and your efforts.
How much we appreciate you for making them.
And to feel we here to support you, as you make them…Lois

To begin our new year of creating a Wellness program  we are going to pay attention to our strengths.  strength we all have within us. If we didn’t we could not be doing what we do…raising children for parents who are unable to parent at this time. This commitment  takes what we call being strong, which by another name, is called Resilience.
 
Resilience is Our Strength We Use to Overcome

• Resiliency means being able to bounce back from life’s ups and downs.
• Those day to day events or encounters that sometime leave you feeling totally overwhelmed at first…
• Being resilient is, where, even though feeling overwhelmed, you do get up, stand here, be there to tackle your day to day, the next day… every day.
• Resiliency means you handle those days, those feelings in healthy ways, allowing yourself to feel the grief, the anger, the loss, and the confusion which comes when your are hurt or being challenged by a life changing event.
• Its knowing, trusting you will make it thru if you continue to do what you doing.
• Its the energy we use when we refuse, doing what we must, not to let these situations or events and their resulting emotions and attitudes become our permanent state of mind.
• It is where we persevere, maintaining our efforts, and then because we did, we somehow receive an unexpected outcome, one where we not only heal, but often bounce back stronger than before.

Resilience, resilient, and resiliency is the ability to:
-  Cope well with high levels of ongoing disruptive change

• Sustain good health and energy when under its constant pressure
• Bounce back easily from setbacks
• Overcome adversities
• Change to a new way of working and living when an old way is not longer possible and do this without acting in dysfunctional or harmful ways
• resiliency is something you do, its more than something you have

Practice resilience use it on purpose
See it in you. Accept its presence within yourself as you give witness to its results. Become aware of how you use it to get over and to get by.
Be grateful for the times when those around you, who watch you do what you do, remind you by saying to you, “You are strong.”
 
            Resilience then is just you being stronger than the situations, by not letting those day to day happenings overwhelm, take over your state of mind, causing you to neglect the what there
is for you to do to keep you and yours going. Its when you just keep on keeping on regardless.
​

​We are continuing our conversation about creating our own self-peace. We will need the tools and techniques to maintain our self-peace once we have connected to it.  The first tool I suggested was the creation of an organized mind and its importance in keeping us aware of our world and our efforts to keep it together. Those efforts make to provide ourselves with some ease as we live day to day. How have you done? Have you come up with your own definition of what is self-peace for you? Have comments or suggestions, please share.
This next the tool I want to suggest is…paying attention to our “self-talk.” Self-talk is about what we say to ourselves about ourselves. Self-talk is powerful because we use it as a window by which to hear and see what we are saying to ourselves, as we react to what happens to us day to day.
There is a technique I call “Just Noticing.” It’s a method we can use to find out just how we are talking about ourselves. It’s paying attention to what is happening to us and anyone else involved because of what we are saying or have said. It’s listening to what is being said to us, by us and about us. It’s being aware of what is done by you and to you and “the” what you do and are doing about it.”
It’s catching yourself “do what you do” “act like you act” “say what you say” in response to what you are going through and with who at the time. And, then taking the time to listen to hear what you are saying to yourself and saying to others about it as we choose to respond. Noticing does not mean “you have to make changes”. It simply means becoming aware of your words as you speak and what they mean in order to know what needs changing and if you want to change it. Keep in mind to change is a choice.
I want to challenge you to listen to yourself during the month of January. Listen to hear, for how you talk to yourself and about yourself. Listen for the words you use. Pay attention, also to your tone of voice as you speak. And if you would, share your experience with us so that we may all grow from our shared experiences.
Lois.

Hello Kinship Caregivers! This week I have a message about trying to keep everything as peaceful for ourselves as we can. Yes, no matter what is going on around us we can try and keep ourselves peaceful. As a caregiver I had to remember this lesson as I dealt with schools, jobs, courts, and other things. Here are some things that I do: 1) Appreciate myself every morning. 2) Make a daily to do list 3) Say no to things that will over extend me or to things that someone else can or should be responsible for 4) Do something healthy everyday 5) Tell my grandchildren that they are beautiful and I love them 5) Call a friend 6) Give my grandchildren chores to do.

If you have some things that you do feel free to give me a call or send me an email and I will put them up.

Have a blessed day, Lois.

Welcome to Kinship Wellness Forum. This month let's talk about how an organized mind leads to peace of mind. An organized mind is important to caregivers because it puts you in touch with everything that's going on in your life. It helps you recognize that you are the center of everything that's happening in your world. It helps you recognize where you should put your energy and not focus on those things you cannot control.

Peace of mind is the absence of mental stress and anxiety, a state of mental and emotional calmness with no worries, fears or stress. The mind is quiet and you can experience sense of happiness and freedom. The question is how to bring more peace of mind in our lives and how to experience it in times of difficulties.

Peace of mind is found as the self-satisfaction you find in what you do and how you live your life to include you. We all have our ways of achieving peace of mind. Share yours with us. Please comment below and let me know how you achieve peace mind for yourself and if you have any advice or words of wisdom of all of us.